alright so ima give you a premise to this post

im fucked up
just left the bars and im fucked up
maybe that's when i'm most honest
naw but its real hard to type correctly

anyways

ya theres nothing intelligent coming out of this post

the saying "write drunk edit sober" is a good one. i've written drunk cuz you have less inhibitions but it does not mean that you can write fucked up cuz thats completely different.

anyways

so where am i at

honestly

i think about this broad all the time

but i shouldnt

because its honestly not that big of a deal. shes going back. shes leaving and theres nothing else to it. we wont talk. we wont become anything. and thats that. i am crazy about her and always have been..but thats it. its fading and will become faded. she wont think about me and i wont think about her on a day to day basis. obviously im thinking about it more than her...and thats fine. i mean i think so at this point. i used to think of it as a legitimate option. but she wised up. and once she stopped the whole talking about it in a wishful way then i started to think about it logically.

why would i go out there. WHY?? really though?? waste fucking money and waste fucking time. WHY?? for some broad that's gorgeous?? naw fuck that shit. right now i should focus on myself. i've always been a firm believer in that. no one else is looking out for you...so fucking look out for yourself. now's the time to be selfish. not  because you're an asshole but because no one else is looking out for you. fuck every bitch. fuck every asshole. it's you and only you. people want you when its convenient for them. some broad wants you there to make herself feel wanted/whatever. your friends want you there for comfort. but in the end...who's really there for you. really fucking only yourself

so fucking love yourself. appreciate yourself. at this point...i like myself alot. i can do alot. but i still feel like i have not come anywhere near my potential. and if i dont reach that point then i will always hate myself for it. so i need this time to myself to become reclusive and focus on myself. to focus on my career. to focus on my future. to focus on providing for my future family. i hate being fucked up like this. my intellectual potential is much lower and i know tomorrow morning will suck. that's not what i want to be. but...i have nothing to do. i have nothing to strive for. i...i...fuck.


i'm crazy about a broad and it's best for me not to be. i know she's a cold hearted broad and she's realistic. i know shes started to get over it because shes moving soon and knows whats coming. shes...shes much smarter than i am...