day 50

I had my first day of physical therapy last Friday. The guy's name is David and he's actually a real cool guy so it's not a bad time when I go there. He said it was healing really well which was encouraging for me, but he also said it will probably be another 2 or 3 weeks.

Why is it that everything seems to just fuck itself up all at the same time. Parents came back which is cool. Back to everything fucking up. I still have no fucking money and everything seems to break. My bong broke a little back which I was going to replace. My fucking vacuum cleaner, which was like 200 dollars, broke so I have to take that to get repaired hopefully. My fucking room smelled like dog piss when I finally came back to the house. Steam cleaned my rug and the room still smells like dog piss. Fuckin Jeff broke the vacuum but obviously I will be the one to pay for repairs. I.

Seriously fuck. There is really nothing going my way right now. Even if I do start working I have so much debt that I have to pay off and things I need to do it will take at least 2 months of solid working to get stable.

day 43

I went to the doctor yesterday, but i'm pretty sure i fucked up big time. So since my moms retired, that meant that her health insurance was done as well. Well i'm covered by her health insurance and forgot about that.
So i went to the doctors and checking in the girl at the front desk tells me i have no insurance so i say that its probably a mistake. She says that what she would recommend is that they will just bill me cash and then i'll just dispute it with my insurance company seeing as how i cannot get in contact with my parents with them being out of the country. It didn't hit me till after i got xrayed that this could be due to the fact that my moms retired. So basically i figure that i'll probably be put onto pops insurance, but i honestly doubt that they will cover a charge that happened retroactively.
So in other words, i'm pretty sure that doctor visit just cost a few thousand dollars and i'm a fucking idiot.

On the bright side, the doctor said i can start putting weight on my walking boot. Thing is i've been doing that for the last few weeks. He gave me a referral to a physical therapist and said that i should do physical therapy 2 or 3 times a week for 6 weeks. I haven't made an appointment yet though because as of right now i don't think i have health insurance. I mean, what the fuck. So i've been hurt for how fucking long now. Then i have to go back for a follow up with the doctor seven weeks from now. My guess is at the very best i'll be able to walk without a boot 2 weeks from now. I'll probably have a limp for i can't even fucking estimate and i got no fucking idea when it will be back to normal assuming that it will ever be back to normal.

Really though i'm going crazy. Not from the anxiety that i had before, but from being dormant. I sit at my parents kitchen table for pretty much 8 hours every day watching tv/online just waiting for time to pass till i eat my next meal or fall asleep. On the days i do bookkeeping at work, i wake up at 730, come back home at 2, and spend the day counting down till i go back to sleep. I spend the day trying not to fall asleep because i don't want to mess up my sleep schedule and end up being up all night and being tired for work.

i miss having money and being able to spend it. i miss being able to go out. i miss not thinking twice about going out because it's crowded and it would be a hassle for me to get around. i hate having to think twice about my environment like will there be stairs there. i miss the gym.

I mean i took alot of shit for granted. Granted these aren't exactly luxuries.